- The Evil of the Candy
Click on the audio file –> The Evil of the Candy
♦
It’s close to midnight and bratty kids have finished trick or treat
Under the Reeses, you see a sight makes you skip a beat
You try to sleep, but chocolate fills your senses and you want it
You start to drool as Smarties look you right between the eyes
You’re supersized
You know it’s candy, candy night
And no one’s gonna save you from the craving that will strike
Candy, candy night
You’re fighting for your waistline but you’re randy for candy, tonight
oooh….
You hear the fridge slam and realize that your husband’s under foot
He’s got a turkey sandwich but the candy looks too good
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl!
But all the while you know Thanksgiving’s creeping round the bend
It never ends
‘Cause this is candy, candy night
You haven’t got a chance against the thing with forty calories
Candy, candy night
You’re fighting to avoid another handy, candy tonight
Twizzlers are calling, if you’re in the dark then it might not count
There’s always jogging tomorrow, but with achy joints?
This is the end of your points
ooh
They’re out to get you, tomorrow all this junk will be on sale
They will possess you, you’ll never change that number on your scale
Now is the time to slowly back away and have a carrot
But all the while, you’ll play that sweet refrain upon your brain,
Hope you don’t gain
Because it’s candy, candy night
And this can set you back more than cake, cookie or pie
Candy, Candy night
Better hold on tight and have a handy, dandy, piece of candy here tonight
Candy, candy night
And this can set you back more than cake, cookie or pie
Candy, Candy night
So better hold on tight and have a handy, candy ow!
[spoken]
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Fatties slink in search of food
To have their secret interlude
And whosoever shall be found
Shoveling those morsels down
Must stand and face the scale of doom
When e’er they enter Weight Watchers room
[Freestyle fatties interlude sung here]
The chocolate smell is in the air
The empty wrappers everywhere
And over there, the mirror looms
You cast a glance and see your doom
And though you fight to stay on plan
Your modus operandi
You poor mere mortal can’t resist
The evil of the candy
[Laughter…….]
I’m so glad I’m out of the couNtry for Halloween – I cam so relate!
This is brilliant!
Is that you singing?! You are funny AND multi-talented! I’m laughing and in awe. This year, I only bought candy that I think I can resist, i.e., nothing chocolate. I’m telling my kids (who are in high school and shouldn’t be trick-or-treating anyway) that they either have to eat all of their Reese’s right away or throw them out because I have no willpower at all when faced with Reese’s.
Yep – it’s me, warbling on the high notes, and thinking about YOU and using my “head” voice or whatever that is that I’m supposed to do. My halloween trick is usually to wait until that day to buy candy, but I had to buy some early for the photo shoot!
Great job with lyrics. Audio didn’t open.
I long ago figured how to avoid the Halloween lead in to the holidays. I give Trick or Treaters individual bags of popcorn or pretzels. They seem to like them.Mom’s and dentists definitely like them. And unlike chocolate, I can eat the leftovers at a reasonable pace.
This is great! Clever and sooo entertaining! More, more…
Ivy, you have missed your calling with your full-time job. This is incredibly funny. I love your singing. I’m not sure how long this took you to come up, but you should consider writing songs.
Thanks! I love writing and singing parody songs – I have a couple of them — may bring out another one here soon…