This Cow Had Quite the Laugh

5 Aug

Earlier this year, I got beyond beyond, and my belly rose so far up to meet my boobs that I developed a bad case of acid reflux.  I went on Nexium and cut out everything with acid, fat, spice, and caffeine.  My doctor suggested I meet with the nutritionist who shared his office, let’s call her Pixie.  (She has an equally cutesy name, which I shall keep confidential.)   Of course, I felt that I knew nutrition as well as anyone on the planet, having pored over every diet book and article ever written  and, more recently, having scoured the internet for every possible suggestion for acid reflux. I made an appointment anyway, and I assumed that I would wow Poor Pixie with my vast knowledge. As I had imagined, Pixie was a diminutive wisp of a young woman in a skin-tight wrap dress that let the world know that she was most definitely in control of her tiny, cute waistline. Why do I subject myself to this?

Pixie, in her tiny, ant-like voice, gave me a list of foods that she had found would relieve hunger cravings. Does a woman like Pixie get food cravings?  She had suggested such things as having only one piece of fruit (like that was going to happen).  And she gave a list of low sugar-type, designer snacks which I figured would be incredibly effective for weight loss, as one would run out of one’s life savings after a week of purchasing such products.

I have to say that Pixie surprised me. Everything on her list was a great and satisfying find.  Among the suggestions, she shared with me her favorite breakfast recipe: Spray a 9 x 13 pan with cooking spray, fill with egg whites (about 24) and whatever veggies you have on hand and bake for 30 minutes in a 350-degree oven.  Then, remove and cut into 4.  Each day, have one of those
with a Laughing Cow Light cheese and whatever else you want.  It will keep you satisfied all day.

I bought a quart-sized carton of egg whites a week ago and they sat there in my refrigerator, mocking me whenever I opened the door (which I have to confess is very, very often). All week, I was yelling at the kids – don’t drink that – it’s egg whites, not milk.  Who was I trying to kid? Am I a sensible make-ahead-breakfast person? I finally got around to trying the egg-white concoction this morning. I shook the carton, poured the whites into a sprayed casserole dish, sprinkled some onion powder on them (not wanting to ruin good vegetables in case this was a bust), and baked the runny, gross-looking mess for 30 minutes. The top was white and the insides mushy, so I baked it for 10 minutes more.  I took it out – the top was a golden yellow, the sides were a bit crisp, and the thing cut neatly into 4.

I ate one for breakfast this morning, with a Laughing Cow Light Swiss Triangle melted over it. I must say, it was yummy and satisfying. Gotta hand it to Pixie!

7 Responses to “This Cow Had Quite the Laugh”

  1. Jody Worsham August 6, 2011 at 7:50 pm #

    That laughing cow is laughing for a reason. She’s fat and happy! I want to be a Laughing Cow. Heck, I am a laughing cow.

  2. Marlene Emmett August 7, 2011 at 2:17 am #

    You have to be kidding me? i’d tell DR. where to go and what to do
    with diet!!! I’ll eat what I want & when I want.
    I’ve learned not to deprive my self things. It’s all in moderation.
    So I eat 5- 6 times a day. And I need hot sauce to speed up my metablosiam? And coffee is one of my best friends for staving off migranes. And if I want to have Doritos I will.
    Sometime you need something crunchy.

  3. Judy C. August 7, 2011 at 3:07 pm #

    Thanks for the laughs. I’ve read several “humorous” books about the trials and tribulations of weight loss – including one about an Australian gal who moved to Scotland and somehow lost 1/2 her body weight, about 200 lbs. Your blog is funnier than any of the books I’ve read. Can’t weight (my try at humor) to read the next installment.

  4. Gabi Coatsworth August 8, 2011 at 5:04 pm #

    I’m behind you all the way, Ivy. I’m a lifetime member of WW myself. What I wouldn’t give (30lbs, actually) to be the same weight as I was when I started. At 145 lbs I thought I was fat!

    PS Good for you for starting a blog!

  5. Ina B. Chadwick August 10, 2011 at 1:34 am #

    Did the little dog laugh when the cow jumped over the moon? Yes, according to the nursery rhyme. My daughter, who weighs 108 and believes she should weight 100 (granted she’s 4’11, maybe) dragged me to weight watchers recently. It’s always been a successful program for me. BUT SO SLOW. I want instant results. I lost 1 lb in 7 weeks. I get pep talks. Today I went into a frenzy with chocolate bark from Stew Leonard’s. Didn’t eat lunch and trembled for the whole day. You made me laugh a lot. I am a little squat dog and your blog cracked me up. Keep it going. I was in weight watchers in 1973. Were you born?

    • schmeightschmatchers August 10, 2011 at 1:42 am #

      We’re all over the place! Was I born? I went to a rival program in 1971 because it was cheaper – I ressurected a “diet dessert” from that era – stay tuned for a new blog post. Yes, this is a very slow process, but it’s a marathon, not a sprint. And it’s even slower for an already slender person….

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